Dating with mental health and how you deal with it.
Do you struggle to date people? Do you bail at the last minute? Do you trust easy and get hurt even easier? Or do you hold a wall so high no one has a chance of getting over it?
Well I hear you. Dating whilst having mental health is not easy. I have bailed many a times last minute rather than just going and seeing what happens. I have been on dates and bailed midway through. I have also used the good old alcohol to just get drunk for the added confidence. At some point I realise I will have to meet someone as I am holding the label crazy cat lady, which if I am honest don’t mind. I don’t mind being the only singleton in the family at parties watching others with their better half.
I have had 2 serious relationships before. Shock I know. They both actually lasted 2 years. Scary I actually lost interest in both about the year and a half mark. For me I need to mentally shut off before I can actually say out loud I do not want to be with you anymore. Now I have been single 3 years ( minus the very stupidly brief one in the summer)
Reverting to the old tinder game where you have to judge someone purely on looks and you realise they can be a 10 in looks but have the personality of a salad, and let’s be serious no one really likes salads. You get that good old match and that is as far as it goes. What the fuck is the point! However I have had some crackers on it and have to laugh at the things people feel is acceptable to say. Recently I had someone only message to say ” You are a ride” yeah he felt the need to just say that! My reply was “nice picture of your gran in your photo however you should remove her from your tinder profile as she is probably ashamed to have you as a grandson the way you speak to woman”! and then swiftly unmatched! Had another guy say he would like to take a line of cocaine off my clit ( sorry for the vulgarity ) those were his exact words.
I have to say I am not shy in telling someone if I do find them attractive. For someone with anxiety I don’t shy away from being a little forward when needed, but I just can’t get over the fear of dating. I have no idea why. Is it that I might actually like them enough? Or have I been burned too many times to want to put myself through it again. I am such a worrier and over thinker to the point it makes me very ill. I like straightforward, black and white.
When it has came to previous dates boy I have had some shocking ones! We live in the 21st century and I don’t believe in the man paying for the date. If he is so insistent I will pay the next or slide some cash in his pocket when he is at the loo if I don’t like him enough to have a second date. I went for food once with someone and it came to the bill and I said I will pay half he grabbed the money so fast out my hand before I even had the chance to count it. I was so angry my face was burning red. He then had the audacity to say you want to come back to mine. Emm I did’t need to think too hard about the answer as before I knew it the unfiltered me burst out with Are you fucking kidding! Not a chance! I have had a few awful more but won’t bore you.
I think I also get so wrapped up in my own space and comforts and hate change so letting someone in on my routine throws me off. We all know routine is massive for me. Sudden change can take a while for me adapt. The thought of sharing a bed is nice until they take up all the bed, leave clothes everywhere, leave the toilet seat up and snore. I feel I haven’t been at the best place mentally this last year and with so many curve balls thrown my way, dating was never the highest priority on my list. I am a believer in you need to be happy and content in yourself and what you have before committing yourself to someone else. You can’t just be in a relationship with someone because you don’t like being by yourself. Infact I enjoy being by myself sometimes. I have came across people in relationships for all the wrong reasons and it makes me sad they can’t see how amazing they are.
I know for some people when they hear you have mental health and they automatically think shit she is crazyyy! and off they pop. It is not always the case mind. For me I always feel the need to be honest ( sometimes a downfall being too honest ) but I feel the person should know I struggle with mental health. For the sake if I do bail on the date last minute or cancel plans it is probably because I can’t pull myself from bed that day and face the world or human interaction. Or I may be suffering bad anxiety and need that little extra reassurance. It is important for me to know that they can deal with me having a bad day. Some might disagree and think christ you have only started talking or it is only a first date, but for me it could always go further so they have to be aware if I am having a bad day I am not ignoring them but just feel I need to sleep the day away as I am exhausted mentally. Or it could be the opposite and may be having a manic day where I can be very over excited and not know how to deal with me like that. As scary as it all sounds I am just a normal girl who happens to have good and bad days. I am honest and upfront with a good heart.
I do know I am in a good place mentally and life has started to fall into place. I am ready to start a new adventure in a new job. I think I am ready now to start dating. Before it didn’t make sense as I feel you need to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with someone and I absolutely believe it! Now I am happy with how my life is and it can throw as many curve balls as it likes if I could get past this last year and a half I can get through anything.