The struggle is real

Help and asking for it for me was the hardest part about mental health it wasn’t the label or the admitting it, it was taking that scary step to get the help I needed. All I knew is I didn’t feel  like myself and as it got worse and worse I was scared I would be locked away like in the films. I came across some rude doctors and unhelpful people along the way. Some people find visiting a GP helps and for me and many others this isn’t always the case. As the NHS is stretched and you have so little time with a GP you feel rushed, overwhelmed and anxious about going to these appointments. They last 5 minutes tops and you walk away with a prescription for medications that wasn’t explained to you but told will make you feel better and come back in 4 weeks. The side effects aren’t discussed and boy starting medication it comes with a few, it can be a scary experience for someone who hasn’t had to take them before. This service is bullshit.

I remember sitting in the Royal Edinburgh hospital for an assessment and got the most rude man ever assess me. He sat opposite me clicking a pen and not able to keep eye contact with me. At this point I was already drained from zero sleep and my mood was on edge making me feel angry. His advice to me was ‘why don’t you call the crisis centre you know they can give you a bed for a few nights rest bite too’ and you can tell them how you feel. At this point I am about to loose my shit. I didn’t go up for an assessment by choice I was told to. I struggled to tell people how I was feeling and this man expected me when I felt at my worst to contact yet ANOTHER organisation for help and repeat how I felt AGAIN. Now if you are reading this and suffer mental health in anyway you will know that 1. Asking for help is difficult. 2. Opening up and letting someone in is opening yourself up to trust someone who may let you down and 3.Building new relationships with any professional and repeating the same thing over again and again can be very draining. I point blank refused as I was an emotional wreck and left this place feeling worse than when I first arrived.

Not everyone will have the same experience as me and you do get some amazing professionals who want to really help you. I came across a mental health nurse which most doctors surgeries now have to free the doctors up and wow what an improvement. They give you so much more time and attention, they ask questions to get a good understanding of wording you like to use and don’t, how you feel and triggers. They talk over medications and therapies which is essential because taking medication isn’t an easy fix you have to help yourself to. This means self help and self care.

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