Happy Pills

My meds have been increased to 300mg! Per day, however instead of taking my normal dose when I wake up I now have to have 150mg in the morning and then again at night. This is a much higher dose than my body is used to, however with any medication change it won’t happen overnight.

The first day I felt almost the same however slightly light headed and a little meh. The second day is when I started to really feel the changes I was a little spaced, light headed, not really up for eating, extremely tired and feeling sick. Day three and I have had to take the day off work and give into resting. My mood has lowered massively followed by extreme tiredness. One minute I am awake the next I have fallen asleep to Netflix. I haven’t eaten much today at all so this is the second day my appetite has been affected which i need to reign in if I can as I can loose weight quickly followed by lower energy levels. The one thing I feel proud about is I was able to stop and say you know what I am not feeling great here my body is going through some temporary changes and it is not forever. The last time I tried to push through it and was physically sick at work not able to even hold my head up. I am lucky enough I have an understanding boss and very good sister who is staying with me to keep an eye on me. She’s good at telling me to calm down like an hour ago when for a whole 10 mins I had a sudden burst of energy I wanted to go to the gym and she just calmly says Dana its 8pm we are not going to the gym. It can be scary when I  come back down to normal about will I have a job to go back to? How do others with mental health manage? But I am not worrying about the future for me I am living in the here and now. Taking things day by day and allowing myself to go through the changes my body needs to feel better.

I take my hat off to those who can pull through mental health not medicated.  A few years ago I managed to get to a place I felt strong enough I didn’t need to be on medication anymore. For me the hardest part about knowing I have mental health is the fact I have to take medication daily. This was the biggest struggle for me and one of the reasons I refused to seek help straight away. Both my parents are drug addicts and I always promised myself one thing and it was never EVER will I be like them. However sometimes your body needs a little help to function and this is completely different from me taking street drugs and neglecting children so for me I had to focus on being the best version I could be and know that I would never be like them.

Last year I needed to put my pride aside and accept the help. I know it is not forever and I am doing everything in my power that has been put in place to get better and one day be able to manage things without medicated again, which will be great but for now my health needs to come first. Mental illness is not a personal failure and for me it has taken years to realise this.



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